So what is it like on a daily basis to live with frozen shoulder and rotator cuff tears? Well, for me for the first 5 /12 months, it meant much pain, having to "sleep" in a recliner at night, many times a day putting ice on my shoulder, taking more tylenol and ibuprofen than I ever have, and having all my days run together. I say "sleep" because I got little of it, so add extreme fatigue and downright exhaustion at times to the list. I was in the words of my husband, basically an invalid- a term I refused to accept.
Yet, in some ways, his term was probably correct. I couldn't drive, and still probably shouldn't since it causes me great discomfort and pain and my shoulder is still locked. I couldn't lift anything with much weight, including a plate or a coffee cup. I am right-handed and had to eat with my left. As for everyday tasks, I couldn't do them either. Things like washing my hair, putting my hair up, brushing my hair, getting dressed by myself. I am proud to say that this week I actually was able to do all of these things with the exception of brushing my hair-- I still don't have quite that range of motion yet. I couldn't do any housekeeping except what little I could do left-handed and did not require lifting more than 5 pounds. My hand shook so writing was out of the question and the pain from fine-motor skills like writing and typing was so severe that I shied away from them even when encouraged to do them. They are still uncomfortable, though I can manage short sessions here and there. I wish I could report otherwise, but it has been a painful and difficult journey. Even so, now that I am coming to a place of a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak, it has been a place of grace and amazement.
You ask, how could having frozen shoulder, rotator cuff tears, extreme pain and discomfort, not being able to perform the simplest of tasks, not thinking clearly, and days that in many ways seem lost forever be grace and amazing?
Well, for me I don't think I could have come through such a time without the grace and love of my caring, compassionate, loving husband and my two diligent, helpful, gracious daughters. They took care of me, waited on me, encouraged me when I needed a kind word or a "Go, sit down and rest!" They stepped up to the plate and took over the cooking, cleaning, writing, typing, getting messages out for me, and assisted me in my ministry to the children of our church and to our drama team. They have cheerfully driven me wherever I have needed to go, and poured their love out to me in ways too numerous to list. My parents, though in poor health, have been faithful to stay in touch through phone calls and funny and encouraging cards. My family, parents, and church family have kept me covered in prayer.
Though I am still in the process of healing, God has recently given me His great gift of joy. I am falling in love with Him deeper and deeper. My times with Him are precious and sweet and He encourages me. Despite the pain, the discomfort, the run-together days, He has given me grace to continue ministry with children and helped me write an original play for our drama team. My marriage is stronger because my husband has shown greater tenderness and concern during this season. My girls have proved to be responsible on a higher level and able to take on more than their share of the work along with full-time school and a part-time job for one and a full-time job for the other as well as the ministries they lead and are part of.
In the process, I have been reminded that what I have suffered has been small compared to what my Lord Jesus Christ has suffered for me. He wore a crown of thorns that cut his head and face, He was beaten so that I can be healed, He was spit on, mocked, ridiculed, and died an excruciatingly painful death by crucifixion so I could be forgiven and be in right standing with the Father. He was separated from the Father Who for a time turned His back to His Son so that I can live with Him forever as His child. I have done nothing to deserve His mercy and grace. I never could do enough or be good enough. Yet, I am His and He is mine...
...Simply because of a gift called grace.
As always I am amazed and,
Simply Filled with Grace
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